seaside_eyes

Waves

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 17:26:50 GMT

Water, sound, happiness, hurt, even all that wanting. It is a world of waves.
I don't think I know how to grow up. I only can maneuver growing older.
I can barely figure out these bones and waves of life. Fleshing out understanding myself and those around me seems like such a daunting task.

This and that

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 18:15:39 GMT

Lets recollect backwards...

-I am getting called into work early today because the mid showed up reeking of alkie. note to self: always shower after an intense night of drinking.
-I refound my love of the mars volta.... Only this manupod crescent in shape has escaped.
-Noah and the Whale rocked my world. I may have cried once or three times. I felt super scandalous smoking at the show. Like quite the little rebel. The asshole to my left talked loudly to his friend the whole god damn time about breakfast sandwiches in britain. I wanted to murder him. he was also a starer. A combination of attributes that is not in the slightest appealing.
- Drinking $2 beers with the lovely NATW boys sitting only a couple feet away almost made me jizz my pants. They are quite lovely in both the face and musical ability.
- I forgot to pay a speeding ticket and now I have to go to court and its become $1500. I don't knwo what to do. I'm already broke. I was so close to paying off all my debt and then I get that lovely little summons in the mail. Fuck me and my broken memory.
- Spaced is a glorious show. I don't care what Meghan insists otherwise. I am super emotionally attatched to those two.
- It felt really good to actually talk to blondie. But whenever these opportunities arrise I get terrified and insecure. I always feel the person in question is way better than me and i will just make things awkward and sucky if i try to do much more than stare.
-Shroomies were epic and terrifying and overwhelming all at once. Note to self: next time, not in the house I grew up in. Way too murky.

This was kinda cryptic. perhaps later i will delve in deeper. if i ever have the fucking time.
as for right now, i've got to run to work.

it comforts me

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 05:39:02 GMT

Any day now: Diana's Parents are floating off to the east coast.

April 12-18- My parents are traversing to Hawaii... hello little happy fun nights. In a lucky draw of the preoverbail straws or something, this is also my spring break.
14th- SF and Berkeley with Isaak
15th- Gay boys and .75 drinks
16th- My mind will be expanded
18th- Noah and the Whale. Shit!!! i gotta get that day off work. and back to SF i go.

April 29- May 1- I'm going on a school field trip to Point Reyes to the intertidal. F yes.

May 15-17- Happy Birthday to me!!!! My fave ladies + Donner + Bevvies and such things + delish food= Way too much fun for a 23rd birthday.

May 20th- Schools out for summer.

I'm way excited about the upcoming weeks and months. and needed to lay it out or i'd get confused and overwhelmed about whats going on.

Oh summer. You are tantilizing my dreams of roadtrips and stylish boxer shorts.

damnit

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:06:03 GMT

I dont know when to stop things.
And then, when they get out of hand and I invariably get burned, I wonder why I'm hurting.
For as high as I build my walls, they crash down much too easily.
I feel like such a naive idiot.

Perhaps I should become a nun. The habit is pretty bitchin.

Vampire Tooth.

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 20:58:25 GMT

My current favorite lyrics:

Jocasta, by Noah and the Whale

When the babies born
Oh, let's turn it to the snow
So that ice will surely grow
Over weak and brittle bones
Oh, let's leave it to the wolves
Oh, their teeth turn it to food
Oh, its flesh keeps them alive
Oh, its death helps life survive
Oh, the world can be kind in its own way

Oh well your future's a machine
With the mechanics of a dream
It is your mind that spins the wheel
And your heart that makes you feel
All the guilt for all your sins
Oh and as that wheel spins
Oh well it plays as they believed
And for your husband you have grieved

Oh the world
Still decieves you as it turns
Well in my weakest moments I could see
Oh that the heart may be
The weakest part of me

Oh and the moon controls
The movements of the tide
Oh but it has no weight on the movements of my mind

How much do i enjoy singing this song in my car.
I hope to never get to my destination.

The Moon.

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 07:54:26 GMT

I like my thighs,
Dimpled like the hers,
My pale belly, soft and waxing.
All these bits and pieces fitting together.
Not beautifully, but perfectly, in her radiance.
The pallor of her presence brings me my peace.
Broken off from the Earth only to support its deeper magic.
Pulling on my water, pulling at my tide until I can feel her in my corners.
Silently supporting all the life and death and love of Earth.
Shining down over all the Earth's beauty, all its pain.
She tells me, in my corners, that she is me.
That our breaks make us whole again.
Her life and death and love is me.
Her wonder is my wonder.
We are complete.

tomorrow...

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 07:27:11 GMT

A myriad of thoughts...

Is the day of the lincoln epic. see you at three. I should be either studying or sleeping, so i am naturally doing neither. I feel like my life has been going a million miles a minute. I can hardly catch my breath. Its not a bad thing, i thrive on all things hectic.

Maybe its just because I never got to be a normal teenager, but I feel that irrational childish crushes make the world go round. They are so thrilling and silly and giddy. All those great double consonant words.

It is irritating as hell that the sun decides to hide its face the moment i need its UV light to develop my prints. Sun, you are a jerk. But lately I've been fixated on the moon. This 28 day cycle that creates huge tides all over 70 per cent the world's surface. Exactly the same as the average menstrual cycle. and these waves are the same shape as the rays of light the moon beams down on them With crests and breaks and lengths so similar its painful. What an odd and repetitive world we live in. Like those damn waves, everything is constantly coming back full circle. If we can learn anything from the moon, i suppose it is that karma is a stronger fate than we realize.

Crescent Moon Big Spoon.

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 23:04:24 GMT

My Personality


Neuroticism	87
Extraversion	60
Openness to Experience	88
Agreeableness	66
Conscientiousness	5

You are generally calm, although some situations can make you feel anxious or tense, however you feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You enjoy a certain amount of debate or intellectual thought, but sometimes get bored with too much. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity, however you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. Mostly you work towards achieving your best, although in some areas you are content just to get the job done.

Take a personality tests now or view the full Personality Report.

promise rings

Its pretty accurate, i think. Especially the neuroticism part.

I had a pretty stellar weekend. I feel incredibly lucky to have the beautifully unique and creative friends that are becoming an increasingly integral part of my life. They really couldn't have come along at a better time, what with meghan dating jp again and all. I would have been a consumptive wretch without Kramemiana. Or at least pretty damn bored and, im sure, a constant source of TV knowledge.

Work at school is pretty hectic. I rarely have days off, and it gets exhausting. but i like keeping busy, it keeps my brain from getting dumpy. The only bum part is that its so damn slow at work that all these hours i'm working don't really even reflect in my paycheck. I'm worried about being able to pay all my bills. and am never going to be able to save enough to get my fig tree.

so i'm going to be a little depressing and throw something out there. i becoming increasingly aware that i am a creature of self-deprecating habit. i envy people that are stronger than their unhealthy urges. I feel like i am on the constant cusp between wretched and exquisite. i sometimes wish i could just be solid in my center.

A fish rots from the head.

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:38:55 GMT

So thanks to the bullshit commonly known as the digital camera, it is apparently impossible to get film developed in less than 3 days. At the risk of sounding like a granny, people have no respect for tradition these days. Now I'm going to have to wait till monday to see the pics diana and I took at the fish hatchery. Blast!!!

In other news, the decemberists and a bright red blanket became my besties while visions of victorian era beauties danced through my head, tumbling over one another like the colors in a kaliedescope.

There are power lines, in our blood lines.

New Year!

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 19:47:49 GMT